The Mine Shaft of Doom
Written 2003

RHYS SUTHERLAND, HIS TWO DAUGHTERS AND MAX WERE MISSING.

Kirsty: Dad...Why are all these candles lit? Aren’t they using up the oxygen?

Rhys: Sshh! You don’t know what you’re talking about.

TWO HOURS LATER

Rhys: Hm, the candles aren’t lighting...The oxygen is being used up. Not my candles! Not my precious candles! *goes and tries to kill himself under a landslide*

Jade: Max! Dad! Max! Noooo! My candles! *hyperventilates*

Max: *goes limp and watches the Simpson’s on Heaven Cable TV*

Kirsty: *makes snow men with...dirt*

ABOVE GROUND, ALF AND HIS PALS ARE LOOKING AT THE MINE

Alf: Any idea why so much stuff just fell down there?

All: *look down*

Seb: Nup.

Random Guy: Hey, Alf, what if they’re really down there?

ALF THEN JUMPS UP AND DOWN, SENDING ROCKS UPON ROCKS INTO THE SHAFT

Alf: Never liked them anyway. Young actors, ruining the plot.

SEB AND KANE GET OUT WHILE THEY CAN

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“...and in other news today, Palm Bea...*cough* Summer Bay has requested a family to run a caravan park. Part time romance, angst and drama required. Town elder, Alf Stewart has requested that they NOT be younger than 50 and able to act.”

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Max, Kirsty, Jade and Rhys were interviewed in the after life, each having to say this about their short time in Summer Bay:

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise the role required acting on my part.”