The Mine Shaft of Doom
Written 2003
RHYS SUTHERLAND, HIS TWO DAUGHTERS AND MAX WERE MISSING.
Kirsty: Dad...Why are all these candles lit? Aren’t they using up the oxygen?
Rhys: Sshh! You don’t know what you’re talking about.
TWO HOURS LATER
Rhys: Hm, the candles aren’t lighting...The oxygen is being used up. Not my candles! Not my precious candles! *goes and tries to kill himself under a landslide*
Jade: Max! Dad! Max! Noooo! My candles! *hyperventilates*
Max: *goes limp and watches the Simpson’s on Heaven Cable TV*
Kirsty: *makes snow men with...dirt*
ABOVE GROUND, ALF AND HIS PALS ARE LOOKING AT THE MINE
Alf: Any idea why so much stuff just fell down there?
All: *look down*
Seb: Nup.
Random Guy: Hey, Alf, what if they’re really down there?
ALF THEN JUMPS UP AND DOWN, SENDING ROCKS UPON ROCKS INTO THE SHAFT
Alf: Never liked them anyway. Young actors, ruining the plot.
SEB AND KANE GET OUT WHILE THEY CAN
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“...and in other news today, Palm Bea...*cough* Summer Bay has requested a family to run a caravan park. Part time romance, angst and drama required. Town elder, Alf Stewart has requested that they NOT be younger than 50 and able to act.”
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Max, Kirsty, Jade and Rhys were interviewed in the after life, each having to say this about their short time in Summer Bay:
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise the role required acting on my part.”