See the Sun
Written 2004
Jack O’Neill searched under the welcome mat. Sure enough, there was a spare key. He unlocked the front door and stepped in, catching sight of a figure hidden in dark shadows that covered the whole house. She was sitting on the floor, resting against a sofa.
I'm comin' 'round to open the blinds
You can't hide here any longer
The Colonel put the key aside and shut the door. “It’s dark in here. I’m going to open some blinds.”
The shadows made no answer. Jack reached for the first blind of the living room and snapped it up. A small squeak punctured the silence. He opened the others and turned back to his 2IC, who stared at him listlessly.
My God you need to rinse those puffy eyes
You can't last here any longer
“Geez, Carter.” Jack shook his head. “You need to do something about those red eyes. You’ve gotta work with me – I don’t know how best to get rid of the red.”
Sam lifted her head. “By rinsing my eyes.”
“Then do it.”
“Sir, I can’t,” she protested plaintively.
O’Neill stared down at her resolutely. “You can’t what? You can’t stay here for much longer.”
And yes they'll ask you where you've been
And you'll have to tell them again and again
Major Carter wrapped her arms around her folded up legs, resting her chin on her knees. She said hollowly, “Everyone will ask where I’ve been.”
“And you’ll tell them.” Jack dropped to the floor and commenced a similar position against the sofa. “A few times, granted. You’re just putting it off – making it worse.”
Sam pulled her head up to look at him. “I know…I guess I feel that if I go back, it will sink in that Janet is really gone.”
And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
Jack studied her face in the half light. “Look, Carter, I’m not going to give you the ‘tomorrow’s another day’ crap. I figured you got plenty of that already.” He indicated the unveiled windows. “Take a gander.”
“It’s not night time, sir.” Sam smiled distantly.
Colonel O’Neill frowned at the lightening sky for a moment, then his face smoothed out. He shot a quick look at his watch and relaxed back into the sofa again. “It’s dawn. The sun’s rising. Do you see it?”
“Sure,” Major Carter lied, not looking at it. “I see it every morning.”
“But you haven’t seen it for the past few mornings.”
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
Samantha looked up briefly, took in the faint orange tinge rising into the sky. Light threw her face into sharp relief. She shook her head. “Sir, have you ever wondered why we have to suffer pain?”
“It’s the only way we know we’re alive,” shrugged Jack. “And not to mention the only way to happiness.”
Carter shot him a quizzical glance of disbelief. “How can you say that, sir? You lost Charlie.”
For a moment, Jack O’Neill’s eyes grew dim. He blinked the moment away and tugged on the collar of his leather jacket awkwardly, saying confidently, “I’m not going to lie to you, Carter. It’s hard losing those close to us. But I promise you, you’ll see the sun again.”
“I’ve seen it,” Sam chortled.
“This morning you will.”
Come on take my hand
We're going for a walk, I know you can
“Get up, Carter.” O’Neill levered himself off the floor. “You’ve got a decent block around this place. You’re going to walk it.”
Sam stared up at him unenthusiastically. “With respect, no thank you sir.”
Jack squared his shoulders and reached out a hand to her. “Respect, my six. I order you to take my hand, use it to get up. Then you’ll find something presentable to wear.”
Sam took his hand.
You can wear anything as long as it's not black
Please don't mourn forever
She's not coming back
“Oh, and Carter?”
His voice stopped her journey into the bedroom. She turned around. Jack added thoughtfully, “Don’t wear anything black.”
“Why not, sir?”
“It’s the colour of mourning,” the Colonel said grimly. “No one should mourn forever.”
Sam felt immediately hollow. She turned her eyes back to the wrinkled uniform lying on her bed, the way it had been since she’d thrown it off a whole week ago. She sighed, “I should mourn for her.”
“Dammit, Carter, she’s not coming back!” Jack shouted, startling her.
The 2IC of SG1 pressed a hand to her check as though he had slapped her. “There’s no SGC without Janet. I couldn’t walk in there, couldn’t face the reality. I just want a normal, civilian life, sir.”
Do you remember telling me you found the sweetest thing of all
You said one day this was worth dying for
So be thankful you knew her at all
But it's no more
Jack quietened his temper and leant against the wall, breathing slowly. If he couldn’t convince her, she’d be lost to the world. He knew where that dark path led, and he knew someone had to bring her out of it without falling in after her. The Colonel allowed his expression to become soft, “Someone once told me that Stargate Command was worth dying for.”
“Sounds like something General Hammond would say,” snorted Samantha.
Jack shrugged. “I’m sure he’s said that once or twice, but I’m referring to the time you said those words.”
“I don’t remember saying that.”
“Well,” he conceded for a moment. “You were delusional and under the influence of something quite alien.”
Sam raised her eyebrows. “That wouldn’t have happened to be on P3X-595 now would it?”
“Spot on. Right before you started, uh…The point is, Sam, Doc Fraiser gave her life for her country and the SGC. Be thankful you knew such a woman as her. But you’ve got to let it go.”
Maybe hearing him call her by her first name sparked the light in her eyes at last. Samantha Carter’s chin lifted as an invisible weight lifted from her shoulders.
“I’ll find something to wear.” Sam smiled at him. “Be out in a minute.”
And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
I promise you you'll see the sun again
Jack O’Neill saw her standing at the end of the hallway, dressed simply, but colourfully. She turned a full circle.; “How do I look?”
“Like Big Bird and Elmo all in one,” the Colonel stated wryly.
Sam took the proffered arm and allowed him to escort her out into the sunshine. She blinked at first, trying to bat the light away. The corner of Jack’s lips signalled the laughter he was holding back. “I told you you’d see the sun again.”
“Thanks to you, Jack.” She turned to him, halting the walk. “I’m glad you came.”
Here they were, standing in a street bathed in sunshine. The Airforce seemed a world away and Cheyenne Mountain even further. Her CO…no, Jack…accepted the thanks readily, "I didn’t want to lose you down that dark path.”
“The sun of your face rescued me. I know you care too much.”
“I don’t think that’s worth remembering,” noted Jack O’Neill almost uncertainly.
Sam shielded her face from the sun with a hand. “I think it is.”
See the sun again.
