Portal Trip - Diary of Carl
Chapter 5 - Ruby Vale, I mean, Jack Willis
2004 - 2005
This quest for a better Van Helsing is taxing on my health. I cannot continue at this failure rate! But I must push on.
I decided there was no more delaying it. I returned through the portal device but oh! I immediately wished I hadn’t even thought to invent a portal machine. I ended up stranded in the middle of a red desert. I wish I’d thought to bring water, but I expected to be in the city again!
I am turning out as bad as Van Helsing when it comes to thinking ahead. But perhaps if I wait long enough, he will appear out of nowhere. This has been the case up until now.
Maybe I should walk to civilisation. This is a good road to follow.
I had complete faith that Van Helsing would turn up and rescue me! Well, not really. But I was pretty damn pleased to see him! Never mind that he nearly ran a metal contraption right over the top of me. Never mind that I wanted a Van Helsing that respected me. But I wanted some damn water!!
It turned out to be a mode of transport, for he asked,
“You wanna hitch?”
“WATER!” I exploded.
“I got that too.”
“Where am I?”
“Bad place to have a hangover, mate,” he supplied helpfully and managed to get me into...the mode of transport.
“No seriously, where am I?”
“Out back where, exactly?”
The man spoke with agonizingly slowness. “Aus...tra...li...a.”
“The British colony?” I exclaimed.
He was answering my questions, with almost as much respect as Eddie. I was much heartened. There was the slight matter of a dog growling at me. Though, this Van Helsing dashed any of these hopes when he snorted! AT ME!!
“Where can I drop you off?” he wanted to know. “Wollongong?”
I was very desperate so I blurted outright, “I need a friend.”
“Not Wollongong then. Oodnadatta?”
He was talking gibberish! Absolute gibberish! It must be Van Helsing’s native language.
“I NEED SLEEP!!”
“Fine, sleep. I’ll wake you up when we pass Newcastle.”
I suppose it was all MY fault this trip didn’t turn out. If I had even less of a mind remaining, I would return and tell that Jack Willis exactly what to do with his novel!!! Insufferable Van Helsing!!!!! Details in a while.
I woke to hear him talking. I was startled, then assured myself he was merely talking to that wretched dog. I realised what he was doing!
He was plotting my death!
After sufficiently calming down, I was relieved to find out from what he was saying that he wasn’t trying to kill me...his name was just Jack Willis and he was writing a...romance novel. Sheesh, if I doubted Van Helsing’s preferences last time, this time I was thrown into more doubt. A romance novel??
“A romance novel!?” I exploded unwisely at the time.
“If you EVER tell anyone you’ve seen me writing this...” threatened this man, Jack Willis, “I’ll set my dog on you! NOW OUT!”
I am not a weak willed man, but faced with the prospect of being torn to shreds by a romance novelist’s dog, I jumped out. I should add the dog growled at me first.
Van Helsing cannot be what I think he is.
I attempted to test him with my charm...ahem...but it seems my fears are incorrect. Romance novels are not an indicator of anything!