Morgan and Sam Have A Chat
Written early 2009.
First line is Sam, second line is Morgan. Assume any "..." is actually someone's go. I wrote this before Morgan even appeared on the show, but I think I got his characterisation kind of on par. I generally write all of my fanfics from the dialogue up, hence the lack of prose. The setting is a park where some people are playing a casual game of baseball. Sam and Morgan are sitting on a park bench.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I told him he was a dick.”
"…"
“Well he kinda was.”
"…"
“Maybe it’s because I’m nothing like him.”
“As opposed to me, you mean? Not a dick?’
“No, no no I – well yes. A dick.”
“I played baseball for a while. I think I was good at it.”
“You think?”
“Well whenever I wanted to stay home and watch cartoons, my parents let me do that. I was very good at that.”
“That’s messed up, Oliver.”
“Yeah, I guess it kinda is. But I’d choose cartoons over whatever your father is pushing.”
“You’re going to have to face it, bro. You can’t get out of the family business.”
“My father was – is – John Oliver. No – no. I can’t believe any of this.”
“Then why is he so interested in you?”
“I think he’s…lonely. Sort of. You ever eaten ice cream with him?”
“Uh, no. I’m pretty sure dear old dad doesn’t eat ice cream.”
“Well that’s because he can’t. It just melts when he touches it. Ever played catch with him?”
“No, but I see where this is going. I get it. You think you have him all to yourself – well you don’t, because you’re the failure in this little dance, Oliver. If you weren’t trying so hard to catch-up then you’d figure this out.”
“You’re jealous.”
“No, I’m being practical. You’re the one trying to form an attachment with him.”
“Uh, trust me, that is never going to happen.”
“Trust, now that’s funny. Do you trust him, Sam? Really trust him?”
“No! No way.”
“That is the first lesson if you’re going to survive in this family, Oliver. Because if you trust me, then you’re probably going to find yourself in Hell before you realise what’s happened.”
“You’re threatening me.”
“Would you expect anything else?”
“Uh…subtlety?”
“Damn it. What do I have to say to you to scare you off?”
“You really want to know.”
“Yes. I might even say please. And that would be awkward.”
“Maybe just a little…A year ago, if we’d been having this conversation, I’d be gone. But I’ve seen some really weird and messed up things since then. I won’t get in your way, so you won’t get in mine. Hopefully.”
“Friendly reminder, Sam. Don’t trust the competition. Kill them.”
“Or there’s…that. You want to play catch?”
“What, now? In this suit?”
“You can always just get another one, can’t you?”
“Okay, but you owe me a hotdog at least.”
“Sounds fair to me.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I told him he was a dick.”
"…"
“Well he kinda was.”
"…"
“Maybe it’s because I’m nothing like him.”
“As opposed to me, you mean? Not a dick?’
“No, no no I – well yes. A dick.”
“I played baseball for a while. I think I was good at it.”
“You think?”
“Well whenever I wanted to stay home and watch cartoons, my parents let me do that. I was very good at that.”
“That’s messed up, Oliver.”
“Yeah, I guess it kinda is. But I’d choose cartoons over whatever your father is pushing.”
“You’re going to have to face it, bro. You can’t get out of the family business.”
“My father was – is – John Oliver. No – no. I can’t believe any of this.”
“Then why is he so interested in you?”
“I think he’s…lonely. Sort of. You ever eaten ice cream with him?”
“Uh, no. I’m pretty sure dear old dad doesn’t eat ice cream.”
“Well that’s because he can’t. It just melts when he touches it. Ever played catch with him?”
“No, but I see where this is going. I get it. You think you have him all to yourself – well you don’t, because you’re the failure in this little dance, Oliver. If you weren’t trying so hard to catch-up then you’d figure this out.”
“You’re jealous.”
“No, I’m being practical. You’re the one trying to form an attachment with him.”
“Uh, trust me, that is never going to happen.”
“Trust, now that’s funny. Do you trust him, Sam? Really trust him?”
“No! No way.”
“That is the first lesson if you’re going to survive in this family, Oliver. Because if you trust me, then you’re probably going to find yourself in Hell before you realise what’s happened.”
“You’re threatening me.”
“Would you expect anything else?”
“Uh…subtlety?”
“Damn it. What do I have to say to you to scare you off?”
“You really want to know.”
“Yes. I might even say please. And that would be awkward.”
“Maybe just a little…A year ago, if we’d been having this conversation, I’d be gone. But I’ve seen some really weird and messed up things since then. I won’t get in your way, so you won’t get in mine. Hopefully.”
“Friendly reminder, Sam. Don’t trust the competition. Kill them.”
“Or there’s…that. You want to play catch?”
“What, now? In this suit?”
“You can always just get another one, can’t you?”
“Okay, but you owe me a hotdog at least.”
“Sounds fair to me.”