Harry Scarface Potter
Chapter 1 - Internet and Fanfic
Written 2003

Harry never got to use Dudley's computer, therefore never really bothered to go on when left in the house by himself. Not to mention the fact he never was alone in the house on Privet Drive anyway. However, the rare occasion came that he was left in the house by himself and quite without anything to do. He'd finished his essays and numerous pieces of work for his school (a one for witches and wizards at that) and found that the Dursleys were no where in sight.

Harry wouldn't usually be tempted to use the computer, but a brightly coloured box ripped in half, trodden on, discarded, put through the washing machine and finally the dryer, was lying innocently by the front door. Not stopping to think how it could have gotten there, the wizard picked it up and read along the side.

"Hm, modem plus one month free broadband. Not bad, not bad at all..."

Before he knew it, Harry Potter was seated comfortably in front of Dudley's computer, some every flavoured beans Ron had sent by his side.

"Where shall I go?" Harry asked of himself, hands poised over the keyboard, realising he had no idea which website (of HOW many in the world?) he wanted to go on.

His eyes fell upon the home page which had the name of Hotmail.

Hm, thought Harry and signed up with the anonymous email address of: harryscarfacepotter@hotmail.com.

Not exactly a charmer, but Harry wasn't really thinking about that. He was already zooming off to another site which had caught his eye in the "favourites" menu. Google, what an odd name. The search bar was a little too tempting so Harry simply wrote: Harry Potter.

He got results, but not ones he wanted. First up came the official website. Confused, and a little concerned, Harry clicked on it - and almost jumped as the intro began.

"Oh, wow," he muttered sarcastically. "My name is all over this website."

Casting this aside, clicking on "back" he went on searching, by clicking on the next one down. Several pictures popped up, a title proclaiming: Chamber of Secrets - the Movie.

"What the...?"

The pictures looked exactly like those he knew at Hogwarts. Harry raised an eyebrow, unimpressed on how they'd dressed him. Though, the glasses were definitely a perk. Much better than the ones he had on.

"What am I thinking?" demanded Harry, aghast. "I haven't even stopped to consider why my name is all over these websites, why there are pictures of me! Ooh, wait, is that DUDLEY? He's not even half the size he's meant to be. Did he lose weight?"

Thus, he went about the site making comments about the pictures he saw.

"Okay, since when did Lockhart become ugly...that is him still, isn't it?"

"Why does Snape look like that guy out of Die Hard?"

"Why is Ron pulling those faces? Oh right...spiders..."

"What is wrong with Aragog?"

"How come the Anglia doesn't have wings?"

"I THOUGHT DUDLEY HAD BLONDE HAIR! HE DYED IT!"

Soon Harry got bored of this (even though he found the picture of Riddle amusing) and decided to click "back". The next one was very curious, very curious indeed. The site was called something very odd - . He wondered what could possibly have his name there. He was about to find out.

A list of hyperlinks flashed across the page, each a number in front of it, each a different rating. Harry made a mental note to avoid and R rated...whatever they were. The first one had an odd title and according to the bottom of the notable summary, had one hundred reviews. Included in the summary was SLASH though Harry had no idea what it meant. Curious, bored and even a little apprehensive, he clicked on it and up came Chapter One.

Two chapters later, however, he made a hasty retreat.

"Who writes this?" he asked in disgust. "No way would I ever go out with Malfoy!"

Grossed out, he clicked the next one.

This one he liked - and read all thirty-two chapters. By the end he was grinning wolfishly, saying to himself, "Maybe I should ask Ginny out."

Casting the thought aside for when he got to Hogwarts, Harry progressed through the stories with more interest than confusion. The romance about Dumbledore was certainly interesting, although the man was what, over one hundred years old? The Ron and Hermione pairings weren't so bad, but Harry had to admit he was jealous. Alas, he eventually come across one which involves finding out his real parentage.

"WHAT??? SNAPE IS SOOOOOO NOT MY FATHER!" 

"Or is he?" added Harry thoughtfully.

Mental note to ask Snape if he was, also one to make Snape's life a living hell.

Harry lapped up stories about new powers, positively beaming. He couldn't help but wonder if he was soon to develop these powers, as they were set in the Summer before the sixth year as he was in now. He found he could not resist reading all thirty or fifty pages of each of these and was upset when they stopped before the end had clearly arrived.

A button up the top answered the problem as to finding these stories again. "Register", and "Voldemort" as a password.

He added most of the stories he came across to his Favourite Stories and added several of the screen names which resembled his own (Harry Scarface Potter) to his Favourite Author's list.

Harry read the stories with delight, but wanted to write one of his own. He used the chatting MSN toolbar to ask people he'd added from scanning the stories. A word processor was opened quickly and Harry began to write a parody of his Summer so far. He tried to make it believable compared to the other...strange...stuff floating around the webpage.

Harry posted it with a flourish and waited. And waited.

Half and hour (and many entertaining stories) later, MSN told him he'd received an email. Harry clicked on the hyperlink and read the email with delight. A stunning review! "Well written", "believable" and "funny" stood out like a Gryffindor supporter in a sea of Slytherin. Harry was just basking in this when suddenly he heard Uncle Vernon's company car pull up in the driveway.

"Oops," Harry said sheepishly.

Disconnect.

Start Menu.

Shut down.

"What? I SAID SHUT DOWN!"

Shut down...OK.

Harry threw himself out of Dudley's bedroom and went toppling down the stairs landing with a big 'oof'. He jumped to his feet just as his only living relatives (grr) came through the door. Uncle Vernon eyed him with the air of a police inspector, "You'd better not have left the house in shambles."

No, der, Harry thought, shooting a look around the perfectly arranged house. He said nothing, but was grinning. He had a idea and it included this ugly purple drill company owner finding out he had magical powers. Now wouldn't that be a funny Harry Potter story?

Hehe.